By Brenda Deschner, Certified Concierge Care Advisor
I have encountered many families where children have promised Mom/Dad that they will keep them in their home for the duration of their life. This is a promise that cannot always be kept, nor should it when the care needs or financial situation depict otherwise, or the fear of not being able to visit during Coronavirus. There is more of a chance of not being able to visit in a Skilled Nursing Facility or Rehabilitation Center, than in a community or Adult Family Home.
When your parents gave you POA (Power of Attorney), they did not say make decisions based on my request. They gave you POA because they trust that you will make the best possible decisions for their care and well-being. There are times when you cannot grant said wishes. This is much like our children; we wish to keep them happy, but sometimes we need to make decisions that upset them, so that they will be safe and well adjusted. This rings true with our parents as well.
Would you have more guilt over not keeping their request to stay home, or more guilt over not providing them with the best care for their needs? Guilt is a feeling, not a fact. I beg of you to set aside the feeling of letting your parent down and know that it is OK to make a better decision for them. This is especially true if you and your family are the ones providing care. You wouldn’t hire a 60-80 year old to care for your parent, so why are you putting that pressure on yourself?
Letting go of this guilt will come, in time. Once you see they are happy, well fed, medication is being managed and any other care needs they have are taken care of. You will be able to go to bed and rest at night knowing you made the best possible decision. You may then go back to being the child instead of the caregiver. That is what it’s really about, enjoying the rest of the time you have together!
We are here at Concierge Care Advisors to guide you to the best possible solution for your loved one’s care needs. Let us help you navigate through this journey, so you don’t have to guess what to do.